Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman of Psychology Podcast fame has recently published a study in which he outlines a 30-item “Characteristics of Self-Actualization Scale.” He is an admirer of the human psychologist Abraham Maslow who gave us “Maslow’s Hierarchy” decades ago, the pinnacle of which is self-actualization.
But what does it actually mean to be self-actualized? Particularly after having one’s life fall apart due to tragedy, public shaming, or due to the consequences of one’s choices? How does one actually pick up the pieces? And what does that look like once the pieces are picked up?
Kaufman published the characteristics that most correlate with greater self-acceptance, personal growth, and greater life satisfaction and gave us the following list. I will use some academic liberty to apply it specifically to people who are rebuilding after experiencing difficult, life altering events.
1. Continued freshness of appreciation
On of the characteristic that correlate highest with self-actualization is the ability to appreciate the little things, the naturally and mundanely occurring beauty. A self-actualized person can appreciate a sunset’s wonder as if for the first time, every time. They feel gratitude in their life for the good whenever is occurs. It’s the ability to experience awe, pleasure and ecstasy with things that normally and regularly occur. No matter how many colourful autumn afternoons, or pristine winter evenings, or hopeful summer mornings you encounter you still find a way to be thankful. This might be the number one sign that you are recovering from your trauma and a wise direction to place your efforts if you are not.
2. Acceptance
A self-actualized person in recovery can accept their shortcomings. This doesn’t mean they indulge them but they don’t hate them either. They recognize that they have scars and warts and failings that complicate life but do so without shame. They accept themselves, including their faults not despite them. Consequently, they are able to do so in others, perhaps even those who have attempted to take them down or who have judged them harshly or unfairly. They can accept that others also have faults that come from honest places. They can extend the grace of self-acceptance to those who hurt try to hurt them, ending the need for retaliation or retribution.
3. Authenticity
After one’s life fall apart there might be more and more situations in which their integrity is challenged. Feeling desperate, a person in crisis might act outside of their normal morality in order to fast-track the recovery. A person who is truly reaching self-actualization will be able to keep a sense of integrity even when it is challenged. Maybe their situation has resulted in significant financial stress and then an opportunity to steal or cheat their way into a few dollars is presented. After seeming losing everything, a person in recovery realizes that no matter how poorly they were treated, their integrity is something that nobody can take from them and it becomes invaluable. Certainly not worth a few hundred dollars gained from dishonesty. An authentic person can and will be true to their values and no longer act out of desperation to get ahead by a step or two. They take responsibility seriously.
4. Equanimity
You know you’re in good shape when you can experience life’s natural ups and downs with grace. It’s like you’re in on a secret that most people don’t know. That whatever it is that is bothering them is not as important as they think it is or it will not last as long as they think it will, or it does not effect them directly as much as they think. It’s just not worth it to sweat over. Like Kipling says in his famous poem “If” - “If you can meet with both Triumph and Disaster and treat those two imposters the same.” This one is difficult and you shouldn’t feel bad if you’re not there yet but know that this is possible and a desirable outcome. You can be more stable in the face of setbacks and knockdowns. In fact, it will be your ability to do so that will convince more and more people that you aren’t so bad after all and that there is something of value to you despite your drop in status and esteem.
5. Purpose
To be self-actualized is to feel like you have a duty to fulfill a mission or specific purpose. It’s feeling like you play an important role in the cause of humanity. That you provide a verse to the powerful play that goes on (Whitman). Even if it is being there for those who have fallen in the same pit you have, it is of immense value to them.
6. Efficient perception of reality
Instead of looking for the spin that is most self assuring, an actualized self has a commitment and devotion to truth. Sometimes the truth hurts but it will also set you free. In the face of adversity we have to recognize our inclination to see reality how we wish to see it rather than how it is. Power in recovery comes from truth, not excuses or fantasy.
7. Humanitarianism
It is easy to grow cynical and bitter towards humanity after being treated harshly by the masses. One could lose faith in inherent goodness of mankind. The embattled veteran understands that it is through scars and mistakes that she can better relate to the rest of mankind. Having faced dragons before she can empathize with those who are currently in the dragon’s grips. Now that she is finding peace in her recovery she becomes motivated to do good to others and help reduce the suffering in the world that she knows so well.
8. Peak experiences
Having emerged from the consequences of a social death, a self-actualized survivor has energy for transcendent experiences. Whether through religious, natural, or psychedelic means this person might seek moments in which they feel one with mankind and the universe. They seek to transcend their ego and their selfish needs and desires to gain a higher sense of profundity.
9. Good moral intuition
After making a catastrophic mistake you might feel like you cannot even trust yourself, that you are inherently bad and incapable of discernment. It’s true that in the momentum of our worlds crumbling around us we are more likely to make poor judgment calls. A good indicator that we are transcending that is our new found ability to learn from past mistakes and gain a confidence in our ability to navigate the world from a moral perspective. We don’t have to deliberate endlessly to make decisions. We can make a judgment and live with its results, adjusting when necessary. When we are falling astray we become aware of it immediately, reducing the fallout.
10. Creative spirit
In the throws of despair we lose our ability to play and create like we could when we were children. As we heal and develop our post-hardship self we can regain the capacity and desire to be spontaneous. We can be creative again. We don’t have to be Picasso or Chopin but might play with ingredients when we cook or patterns when we garden. We might draw or paint just for the sake of doing so. We might write awful poetry or drab prose. The point is, we feel like we have something to build or create an we seek opportunities to do so. This is the power of God. To create something that didn’t exist before. The entire universe if falling apart and it is mostly human beings on Earth (as far as we know) fighting this entropy by maintaining order and creating something from nothing. The self-transcendent can create.
So there’s somewhat of a litmus test for someone who is recovering from a major shift in their life. Don’t be a harsh judge if you don’t feel you measure up. These are aspirational goals that you will notice as you develop in your relationships to yourself and others. You can take Dr. Kaufman’s test here.