How to deny your attackers a target
One of the first things you learn in martial arts is a proper stance. This will vary depending on the discipline. With boxing you typically want your body weight evenly distributed between both feet for balance. Muay Thai kickboxing employs a stance that is light on the lead leg so that low kicks can be more easily checked. They all have their advantages and disadvantages as they try to balance defence, offence, and effective movement. One thing is for sure however, no matter what your discipline you do not want to stand square in front of your opponent in a fight. This gives them the largest possible target for them to hit. A good fighter uses head movement and angles so that it becomes more and more difficult to hit them.
In the psychological warfare that often comes with public mobbing and character assassination the same principles apply.
We live in a world now where becoming famous or at least visible is easier than ever. Notoriety can come at the click of a button, depending on how outrageous a person is willing to get. So many of us are trying to use social media to gain a presence and become an influencer. While this has worked for many in a positive way it has also turned everyone who uses social media, which is just about everyone, into a potential target. Like when a celebrity is criticized or harassed in public and we say, “well they kind of asked for it by choosing to be in the public eye.” The thing is, we have all chosen to be in the public eye now. And not all of us were built to face the scrutiny that comes with being a public figure.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of public criticism there is no better advice that comes from no better a strategist than that of author Robert Greene and particularly his book 48 Laws of Power. There are diplomatic ways to remove yourself from a conflict which you should consider but if you find yourself in the middle of the “ring” you are not going to be able to “nice” your way out of it. Greene’s strategies are ruthless and cunning but they work better other approaches so you should consider employing them. Here are a few strategies specific to making it more difficult for others to attack you.
The first is the most important but also the one that you would have needed to start many years ago. This is building a strong reputation. You want your reputation to be associated with one or two positive traits like hard-working or being honest. Even when your reputation is attacked, if it’s strong enough to begin with you should be able to withstand the storm. Having your worst attributes or most shameful mistakes made public will do significant damage. For many people you will be synonymous with those faults. Think how Bill Clinton or Richard Nixon’s reputations will always be tied to their most public mistakes (probably not even close to the worst things either of them actually did). You will find though that your reputation can still be recovered and even possibly exceed pre-public shaming levels but this becomes more likely when your reputation is already ironclad. For those who haven’t yet been cancelled, make some deposits into your repetitional account while you can. Try and brand yourself with one or two memorable qualities and not just by using rhetoric. Reputations are built by action. When Seinfeld’s George Costanza wants to be called “T-Bone” at work it doesn’t stick but when they see him wailing is arms about in anger like a gorilla they all call him “Koko”. If you want to known as generous you better start actually being generous.
You might be tempted to flip off the haters and act like you don’t care about your reputation but this isn’t the best long term strategy. Reputation gives you the ability to improve your life and make a difference in the world. If you lose credibility you lose the ability to influence people for good. At the time of writing this, comedian and alternative media star Russell Brand has come under fire for allegations of sexual abuse. Whether you agree with Brand’s counterculture, anti mainstream approach, he had accrued a significant following and was becoming one of the most influential voices in media. While past sins don’t correlate with one’s ability to make interesting political commentary, his reputation will likely scare some advertisers, guests, and viewers away and reduce his influence.
Provided you haven’t cemented a stellar reputation that makes no one believe anything negative about you, the next step in reducing the target for your opponents is by ignoring your desires. The principle here is that those who are attacking think they know what you want, and maybe they’re right. For instance, if you make a notable attempt to defend yourself publicly because you really want your job back at the office, those who have it out for you will use that against you. They will do their best to keep you from returning to your post. They want you to suffer for your sins so they will hit you where they think it will hurt most. By masking your desires you leave them with little to attack. It’s sounds like a paradox, but especially if you’re wanting more credibility or esteem, the more you publicly campaign for it the weaker you look and the easier a target you become. Only desperate people make public attempts to look good. If you can act like you don’t really care one way or another than attacking becomes boring and your target becomes smaller.
Be bold. Whether you are getting shamed for something that is true, false, or somewhere in between people will recognize and appreciate your boldness in how you deal with it. It’s tempting to seek sympathy when you need emotional support but if you resort to this tactic too much you will cement your new reputation as not only guilty but pathetic. There is something compelling about a person who can act confidently in front of the firing squad, guilty or not. There isn’t much virtue in being timid in situations like this. Your timidity will look like doubt which will not inspire confidence in any would be allies. There are some people that have grown so audacious that they could “shoot somebody” and still not lose much public support. You don’t want to be obnoxiously cocky, your boldness does not have to come at the expense of your humility. Sometimes the boldest thing you can do in these situations is show up to a place where people have been trash talking you and stand up straight with a smile on your face. Show them that their hate isn’t phasing you and you won’t be as easy of a target anymore.
Another way to posture yourself so that you’re harder to hit is by allowing your opponent to seem victorious over you, but once again not in a pathetic way. This strategy looks more like admitting that your opponent “got you” enough so they can feel satisfied with their victory and leave you alone. If you insist on “defeating” them then they might react by staying in the fight and you don’t need that kind of heat. Let them win a battle or two, the war has nothing to do with them.
If you don’t want to get hit you shouldn’t stay in one place and your movement shouldn’t be so predictable. Even though you’re probably craving some semblance of stability in your life right now, in public you may not want to keep such predictable patterns. When your naysayers expect you to do one thing, you might be wise to do something completely different. They think you’re on the ropes ready to be finished off but if you can surprise them with an unexpected move it will show that you’re not going to go down easily. A good way to stay unpredictable is to occasionally show generosity to the people who treat you the worst. You don’t do this explicitly with the goal to throw them off, it’s better if it’s spontaneous and genuine. When someone else speaks ill of your critic you might decide to defend their point of view or give them the benefit of the doubt. This generous kindness will eventually find its way to theirs ears and they will be confused.
Lastly, you will gain more by saying less. There is a time and place for vulnerability but in social and psychological warfare you do not need to be giving any information to unsafe parties. Unfortunately, at the outset of a public shaming, almost everyone is unsafe. Save your deepest, most heartfelt feelings about all this for your most trusted confidants and your therapist, with everyone else, be bold, shut up and don’t give anyone any unnecessary targets.