Pig Consciousness
How could I have stooped so low?
When someone makes a catastrophic mistake, a choice that alters their life entirely, there is a surreal aftermath in which they struggle not to be annihilated by the impact of the rushing realization of their wretched stupidity. Dumbfounded and ashamed they wonder how could they have been so naive, inconsiderate, or even evil.
There are many theories that shed light on the question of why it is we can act so counter to our values and the values of society. Which neurons fire when, and which social cues lead to certain abhorrent behaviours. The psychoanalysts demonstrate that that which is below our awareness has the greatest capacity to do us harm. This is why when you catch your child stealing cookies and ask them why they did it, the answer is invariably, “I don’t know.” While this does not relieve the child of accountability it is largely true. They did it and they don’t know any specific reason for it. Why we do anything is too complex for a simple explanation but after surviving a self inflicted explosion we feel the need to find an answer, any answer we can possibly imagine.
The unconscious, as the psychoanalysts teach, is not bad. A hallway is the same whether the lights are on or not. But when we are unable to see where we are going or what surrounds us, the risk potential is essentially infinite. There could be anything in there and we have little recourse to protect ourselves if there is. So it goes with our unconscious minds. Carl Jung believed that in the undeveloped person the unconscious will guide his behaviour and he will believe the results to be fate. He elaborates,
The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the word must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves.
The inner opposites of which he speaks refers to the polarity of human nature, the energies that are both true and conflicting. Yin and yang. Masculine and feminine. The active and the passive. Persona and shadow. When one side is neglected the individual becomes fanatical or addicted. There is an imbalance which, particularly in the unconscious, pulls behaviour chaotically and irresponsibly through the traffic of life as if there were nobody else on the road. It doesn’t know exactly where it is going, it just wants to drive.
This can pull an individual into what Marion Woodman called, “pig consciousness” which is the desire to be in the mud, all while not caring about being in the mud, loving it even. Mud is pure unconscious energy, where there is no requirement for discipline. It is a momentary, Garden of Eden like state, where being in the mud is not just tolerated but expected. In this state, some of the basest, most selfish inclinations of our unconscious seem harmless or even ethical. Acts that would cause the doer to cringe in any other state of mind might become symbolic of the sense of freedom the mud provides. If anyone else were to see them in the mud and bring them back into reality they would be immediately ashamed of their filthy state. In fact, once leaving the mud they are overwhelmed with shame and the need to shower it off, removing all evidence that they had ever been anywhere near mud in the first place. “Mud? What’s mud? Never heard of it.”
Mistakes happen and people take advantage of others weaknesses but in order to gain more control over one’s life and live with integrity the individual must take responsibility for the role they play in their own downfall regardless of the circumstances. The unconscious may have been driving them toward their doom more than they give it credit and by uncovering this process they find the key toward their recovery and the prevention of further disaster.
The uncovering of the unconscious is the descent characterized in so many myths and fairy tales. This is totally different from descending into the mud. This descent is into the underworld and it can happen the hard way or the harder way. Maybe in therapy or in a firmly rooted relationship with someone who is comfortable and capable or insightful reflection you could begin to recognize the hidden patterns that govern you.
One of the best sources for self-discovery are your projections. How do you see the world? Do you tend to think most people have the same beliefs as you or do you think everyone is a brainwashed extremist? Maybe you assume everyone has roughly the same skill level as you do when it comes to “common knowledge” or maybe you think everyone is stupid. Or maybe you find it impossible not to criticize people who break a certain social norm. Whatever flavour they carry, your projections are a roadmap to your unconscious. They indicate which way the winds of the underworld are blowing.
If you do not work out your demons on your own this way they will eventually pull you into the underworld against your will, and often dramatically. This is the painful self discovery that comes from having our mud consciousness exposed to the judgments of those you most cherish. When the person or people whom you most want to impress witness your ugliness you are unexpectedly pulled into hell and your unconscious all of a sudden becomes excruciatingly visible. This is when you are at your greatest risk. To run away. To give up. To turn everyone else away because you can’t stand their gaze.
But this is the descent that will burn off the parts of you that needed to die so that you could reemerge in a new, greater form. Not just stronger but more integrated, meaning you are not just compulsively swinging from extreme opposites, being the self sacrificing hero 99% of the time only to succumb to your worst version of selfishness often enough to make you feel like none of your good qualities can ever redeem you. The integrated person does not remove their shadow, she incorporates it. The Yin Yang symbol shows the harmony of opposites that contrast but also hold a piece of its counterpart within it. Your suppressed anger is not eliminated but harnessed.
So when you ask yourself how you could have been so stupid, rest assured that it was at least in part due to the conflicting opposites lying under your awareness that can’t find a way to coexist. It’s either this or that. Sinner or saint. Hero or villain. And you if you continue to neglect this conflict it will continue to pull you back into the underworld for another scalding lesson from hell. One benefit of having been through it is that you are now aware of your pig consciousness and it will be must harder to fool yourself into believing that it will truly be harmless this time around.
By making your terrifying and torturous descent, allowing the rotted parts of you to be burned off, and the incorporating the internal opposites you can emerge a new person that is less driven by “fate” and more in control of the wheel. You move from either/or to both/and and become more comfortable with the conflicting aspects of your self.