The less expected reason why public shame leads to depression
It’s almost insulting to make such an obvious claim as, “being shamed publicly will lead to depression.” But what if there’s more to explaining depression when something bad happens? What if there are a few threads worth untangling that could help you better understand your situation and therefore help you find a way out of it sooner?
Negative events lead to negative emotions even to the most stoic of us. But some negative events impact some people more profoundly than others. Why would that be?
One of the more obvious explanations is the shock of having one’s status drop over a short period of time. We are social animals and our self-esteem is really just an indication of our perceived status. A severe social injury means ostracization and isolation and through most of human history that meant a lot more suffering and death for you and your progeny. Social death was a massive threat and our emotions have evolved to match it.
But there is something else at play when we fall into a post catasrophe depression. Often the most intense parts of the battle are over and it is then when the feelings of hopelessness and disinterest take over. Wouldn't we begin to feel better as the barrage dissipated?
When the dust settles and we still feel depressed it might be because our traumatic experience has made us defensively self-centred and self-absorbed. The more self conscious we are the more likely we are to become depressed. In some ways there is no difference between depression and self-consciousness. The more you ruminate about your emotions the worse you will feel and the more you will look to numb out from those bad feelings. That’s depression. It’s not sadness, it’s nothingness and we feel that way when all we can see is ourselves and our sad state.
Having our flaws spotlighted sometimes freezes us in the spotlight. We think we are so important. We think we are especially significant, even if for terrible reasons. We overestimate how much people care about our downfall and we can’t see beyond our own shame and embarrassment.
Nobody who thinks about himself all day long is happy. It’s impossible. Your shame has made you pick up some bad habits of being self absorbed and it’s time to change. But this runs counter to our instinct. If you are in recovery from a difficult situation it would make sense to “make time for yourself” but in the long run this is not a strategy for success.
The sooner you can put your focus on others the better. This easier said than done. You’ve been hurt so severely it will feel uncomfortable to put energy into something other than your wounds but you need to give it a try. Start with someone or something more vulnerable than you. An animal or a child perhaps. Dedicate some time to making their life a little bit better and see what happens. I have seen many suicides delayed because someone didn’t know who would feed their cat when they were gone. Even in depression we can find meaning in thinking outside of ourselves