Through

Devastations that give you no choice but through

Here are some assumptions about the human condition that I believe are true and are necessary to understand when facing extreme adversity.

1. To live a meaningful and fulfilling life one must “know one’s self”.

2. To be robbed of a meaningful and fulfilling life one must be deceived and/or distracted.

3. The universe will gently but also sometimes violently call us back to attention, particularly when we are deeply deceived and/or distracted.

a shadowy monster that guards a door to the light

We pass through life making all sorts of mistakes, usually of minor to no consequence, and thus remain ignorant to the impact of our actions. We are, fortunately, so insignificant that we can maintain habits that are stupid, dangerous, and even hurtful for so long that it begins to seem that what we do does not matter much at all. To make matters worse, there are powerful forces that aim to keep us ignorant and distracted and there are powerful people who benefit from our lack of awareness. Our attention is easily manipulated because most of us are often desperate to distract ourselves and lie to ourselves in order to avoid certain uncomfortable aspects of reality. There are certain things that we consciously avoid because they are ‘too much’. ‘I can’t handle it.’ But then there are truths that are so awful that we are not even aware that we avoid them and our ignorance calcifies into multiple layers of self deception and avoidance.

But sometimes. Usually in response to the mountain of mistakes we compile through life, but also due to no fault of our own, the universe shocks us into an uncanny sense of horror. It’s so bad it doesn’t even seem real. Maybe we attempt to drown it out with our usual escape mechanisms but they don’t work. There’s not enough alcohol or heroine or TikTok that can hide the devastation of an event like the one’s I’m mentioning. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then consider yourself lucky but also know that it will come eventually. Lightning strikes and now everything you have ever thought or done matters at an excruciating level.

We panic like cornered rats for an escape until it dawns on us that there is none. There is only one exit and lies beneath the very beast that stalks us. We are locked in a room with the monster who itself is the escape.

The only way out is through.

William James taught that “acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” When misfortunes are small enough we can get away with denying their impact or the role we played in bringing them about, but sometimes the damage is so severe that we are forced to look right into the monster’s eyes. If we deny that the monster exists or that it is the room with us, perhaps in an effort to maintain optimism, we guarantee further suffering at its hand.

“A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them. They then dwell in the house next door, and at any moment a flame may dart out and set fire to his own house. Whenever we give up, leave behind, and forget too much, there is always the danger that the things we have neglected will return with added force.” - C.G. Jung

Devastation wakes you up, at least temporarily, to the fact that you are in serious trouble, you have caused much of this trouble, and ultimately you are are the only one who can get through it for you. There is no option to avoid. You must pass through the inferno of your passions to overcome them so that they don’t continue to burn everything around you.

If you do not seize this opportunity you will continue to suffer in similar ways but eventually with more catastrophic consequences. You lose track of who you are and there is no need for God or the Universe to punish you because you will inevitably and continuously punish yourself from the depths of your unconscious.

The punishment of every disordered mind is its own disorder. This is the ultimate penalty: the mind’s own state of confusion and alienation from the truth of its punishment. There is no need for any external force to punish it. This internal disorder, this turning away from the order and harmony of God’s creation, is the most severe penalty a soul can suffer.

- St. Augustine.

So whatever benevolence there is in the almighty collective power that we call God, calls to you, in supreme interstellar love, to wake the hell up and get your mind, heart, and soul in order. Stop hiding from the beast. Pick up your sword and walk towards it. This is the way to freedom. Not temporary escapes but the heroic facing of all that is awful and scary within you.

The existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre taught that, “freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” We accept what has been done to us and what we done. We accept the consequences and the responsibility of our actions and we move towards the beast of shame and guilt which can be corrective but are still self-centred. Shame makes us focus on how unworthy and unlovable we are for our mistakes. Guilt makes us focus on how we feel about our mistakes. How sad and embarrassed we are. This is better than completely evading accountability but we also need remorse which is the focus on how our actions have hurt others. This is often the beast we least want to face.

Your actions have hurt other people. Sometimes permanently. Nobody likes admitting that they messed up to that extent. This is the type of suffering we do everything we can to avoid. The Buddhist monk Ajahn Shah taught that we should not be afraid to suffer and that there are two kinds of suffering. “There is the suffering you run away from, which follows you everywhere and there is the suffering you face directly, and in doing so, become free.”

You must know yourself. Which means you must not run from your monsters and your suffering. You will be tempted daily to be distracted and you will be deceived even more frequently by those who can benefit off your ignorance. You will no benefit. The Universe has blessed you with a devastation so awful that you have no choice but to face it. Face it and suffer. But suffer and know. Know what is real and what is really important.

And know the way.

The one way.

Through