What is your story?
In finding our own story, we assemble all the parts of ourselves. Whatever kind of mess we have made of it, we can somehow see the totality of who we are and recognise how our blunderings are related. We can own what we did and value who we are, not because of the outcome but because of the soul story that propelled us. That story is our individual myth.
Marion Woodman, Leaving My Father's House
Writing is an excellent way to sort out one’s thinking because it forces scattered thought to be organized and filtered into what is hopefully a coherent written product. When thoughts can go anywhere, writing makes them go specifically somewhere where they can begin to mean something.
Stories do the same. Not just for individuals but for societies as a whole. Out of all the ways to describe what is going on, a good story makes an abstraction from the seemingly endless data. A summary that imperfectly but still usefully captures the gist of what is going on.
We naturally and avoidably construct stories about ourselves and others while others will also construct stories about us. Not all stories are equally beneficial or true, so the task of finding our personal story, our personal legend (as Paulo Coelho puts it in “The Alchemist”) is best carried out by us. For if we don’t take control of our narrative someone else will gladly do so. Nietszche said that, “he who cannot obey himself will be commanded,” and I believe obeying yourself has a lot to do with the process of finding and construct your personal legend.
When we get caught up in the narrative of the collective, of society, or even of a small social group, we risk losing the key aspects of our own. Especially when someone has been disgraced publicly are they more susceptible to being controlled and affected by the narratives that exist ourself of their control. Their mistakes have now placed them in the role of villain, or at best, sympathetic loser in other people’s narratives. And if they aren’t diligent in their own narrative building they might accept the story that others tell.
The unconscious self does not distinguish between true and untrue stories, teaches David Loy in his book “The World is Made of Stories”. Whatever story is presented to us is often what we will accept and this could drastically alter our progress as we attempt to raise ourselves from the ashes. Ideally one would avoid negative stories on social media or elsewhere that hurt them but that will not always be entirely possible.
Stories compete and you will need a stronger one than the negative spin that exists in the ether. As Marion Woodman teaches above, we do not need to base our story on the outcome. Right now, the outcome of your life might not look heroic or victorious. Your current situation might bring you shame. We do not need to always look at the outcome rather the “the soul story that propelled us.”
A soul story may not be pretty but it is compelling. It incorporates every aspect of our ‘self’, with all their imperfections and mistakes and creates a coherent tale that is captivating if told correctly. You don’t have to be Atticus Finch to be a compelling protagonist. Whether it’s Yosarrian in “Catch-22” or Hannibal Lecter, we know a good story when we see it, and we don’t need perfection in our characters.
If you originally were hoping to craft a story of how flawless and wonderful you were, that ship has likely sailed, but other than your mother very few would have cared for that story anyway. Instead, you are beautifully flawed and dramatically doomed. And that’s a story we can’t keep our eyes away from.