Your legacy after disgrace
Right before you die your life will flash before your eyes in an explosive sensory experience that often lasts for over 80 years.
A young man died the other day. He was loved by family and friends. He liked sports and comedy. He was the life of the party. He once scored the winning goal for his hockey team. He used to buy lunch for people on the street but nobody knew it. He once made his sister laugh so hard her Pepsi came painfully out of her nose. He had a crush on the same girl since he was 12. One time on a whim he drove to California and was on the Price is Right.
If you google his name, though, the only information you will find on him is that he died of an overdose and that he was once arrested for stealing from an elderly woman. According to the public record, that’s all his life entailed.
Our lives are stories, embedded in other grander, more complex stories. Visit a cemetery and you will see evidence of thousands of people who have lived and died and whose stories have been reduced to a few words on a headstone. Like the biblical concept of the book of life from which we will be judged, we now have more advanced technologies in place that have recorded our lives so far and will determine the story that is told of us both while we live and after.
Of course, we should live our lives making decisions that will build the most impressive and positive legacy possible, so that our story becomes one that is heroically flattering. But if you’re reading this, you or someone you know has tarnished their record enough that their legacy will always include unfortunate and shameful details.
How do we manage our narrative so that we aren’t crushed by a disgraceful legacy?
First, we must resist the urge to reduce people to their worst acts. The man mentioned previously lived 32 years and is now only known to the public for two of his most consequential mistakes. If we want grace from others we should be the most generous in doling it out ourselves.
Next, accept that your legacy is complicated. Do not get hung up on being seen as the good guy, in fact, those who work to be the hero, even if their records are unblemished, often come off as vain and inauthentic anyway. As much as we want to be seen as angels, most of us aren’t that compelled by angelic stories. We do not need our heroes to be innocent, we need them to be heroic and heroism comes from voluntarily confronting monsters, demons, and hell itself, not from sitting pretty ona. pedestal. So you have some emotional and reputational scars? Own them and use them to tell your epic story.
Lastly, don’t wait to write your legacy. The narrative building has already begun. Understand it. Learn about where and whom you come from. Learn about the world in which you were born and the setting in which your story takes currently takes places. Most importantly, learn about yourself. You can’t make a compelling story without fleshing out the characteristics of your protagonist. A hero needs not to be pure and perfect. On the contrary, he or she should have layers of complicated contradictions and moral tensions. The hero should be able to see the tradeoffs to each decision, recognizing that all paths have consequences but there is still a path that is superior to the others. The hero should be bold enough to take that path even though it involves pain and loss. Protagonists in the best stories suffer incredibly. If you find yourself at the depths of suffering, at the very least you are becoming a more compelling hero in your story. This will make your victory all the more suspenseful.
I use a lot of metaphor to make my point. This time I mean it literally. Start writing. Especially about your suffering. Not as many people will want to hear about the nice parts of your life anyway. Many will connect with your specific brand of agony. Besides, if google is going to write about your worst attributes than you might as well too, at least you’ll have a say in the matter.